You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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