Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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