his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
