It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
