Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
