Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
