im drinking this country out of the recession.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
