roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Randomize
