so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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