oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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