apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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