i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
