someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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