I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
