In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
