Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
