Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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