So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
