Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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