Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
