chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
