so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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