guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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