Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You made out with two different species that night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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