Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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