I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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