Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
