dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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