Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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