i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
