I think I died a long time ago.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
