I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want to make out with him forever
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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