he puts the penis in happiness.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
