i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
