who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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