is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
