and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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