If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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