You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
