I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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