I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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