I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
