there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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