I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
