I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
this will be a night to untag.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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