How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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