It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
