I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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