I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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