You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You ruined the universe
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
